Tomorrow is the inaugural Rock N’ Roll Marathon in San Antonio. As a fitness blogger in the local area, many of my readers and followers were surprised when I did not share any insight on the historic event or express any excitement about it. Usually I run for a charity or non-profit organization and heavily campaign on some world-saving crusade, but I remained utterly silent until now.

I lost my father this year. Eight days before my 33rd birthday. Since his passing, I’ve struggled grieving for this remarkable man because he raised me to always look at gains and not loss. This same man helped me see the glass is half full through rose colored glasses when things looked downright low and impossible. We had a unique father-daughter connection that is sorely missed at this time in my life. I have reserved my mourning for the morning. I run for Dad tomorrow, every mile representing significance each too personal to share.

During my training, I heard his voice in my head. “One step at a time, one foot in front of the other”. "Just a little further, you’re almost there”. “Don’t give up.” As a trainer, these are words that I use to encourage my clients/students. In fact, they are creeds I live by. Yet, here I feel I am taking steps backwards, very fatigued and ready to throw in the towel. My compass is gone. I don’t know how to register this pain of losing a father. I understand bodily pain in joints and muscles but a broken heart is still foreign in my pain threshold. How I wish I could really hear my Dad’s voice again, encouraging me at the finish line. Perhaps when I cross it, he’ll be there. Standing. Hands on his hips. Nodding in approval. Glancing at his watch with pride in his eyes.

It’s a difficult task being me-Mom. Coach. Teacher. Girlfriend. Sister. I’ve tried my best being all of these roles. Serving the best I can give at all costs with as much grace as possible - I humbly admit with many shortcomings and faults. It’s exhausting. A lot like running a marathon. Tomorrow I will be just Lyzz. Lyzz Stauffer – Coach Stauffer’s daughter. It will be me and the road. I’ll leave all of this year’s loss on the trail. Pounding everything I’ve got with every step. Forward. Carrying Dad in my heart.